Monday, February 18, 2008

selective memory

I think unless you have a photographic memory or enhanced auditory memory (where you can repeat entire conversations verbatim) that your memory would have to be selective. I have no clue how much RAM my brain contains, but the older I get the more data I lose. Now, only when something triggers an old memory can I call it up.

This happened just recently. Out of the blue I received an email from someone I knew a long time ago. I hadn't exactly forgotten him, but I certainly don't dwell on his memory every day. Woosh! Suddenly I remembered all kinds of things... how well he played guitar, how he sounded a lot like Neil Young when he sang, how he carefully wrote out the lyrics for me to a song I'd never heard before. I remember his little sports car that needed to be hard-wired to get it started, the long letters he wrote me, the return address on those letters, and a dozen more personal, intimate things about him I don't need to go into. (Sorry... some things are just none of your business.)

The point is this. I had not thought about him in ages. Now I can't stop. In addition to all the little specific details... I wonder what happened to him over all these lost years, and I guess I wonder why I wonder. He and I were a flash in the pan as relationships go... we weren't in love, but we were close as empty-hearted people sometimes find each other and become close. For a brief period in time we connected and buoyed each other up. It didn't work out and we both moved on.

So why does my heart ache now?

Here's something I found (I guess you have figured out that You Tube is my new favorite online toy) to enhance all those misty watercolor memories:

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