Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day

Once upon a time Valentine's Day was absolutely the most important day of the year for me. More important than my birthday, even... because people generally feel compelled to remember you on your birthday.

For me, a Valentine was an expression of my worth... as a woman, or a potential partner, or as a person attractive or sweet enough to love. I put so much stock in this particular day I would be totally bummed out on years when I had no boyfriend.

On years when I had a boyfriend, I would put enormous pressure (on both of us) to make the day memorable. I wanted flowers, candy, a date, an expensive dinner... you name it, I wanted it. In my own defense, I was more than willing to give as good as I got, but that only made matters worse. I was so overwhelming in my effusive shower of gifts and affection, I scared them off.

What was with that? Insecurity... unreasonable expectations, pressure. What a waste.

Now I am a nun. (And it's Lent... no chocolate allowed) Wahoo! Having no expectations has got to be the most emancipating feeling on earth. I feel so sorry for all the guys I pressured or embarrassed or coerced on this day.

A toast to you, guys! You did your best (under ridiculous circumstances) and I have to tell you (and I'm sorry it's in retrospect) but I appreciate every single token of love you managed to express.


Melissa said...

You're right about the "tokens of love". They're just tokens. Sometimes the smallest things mean the most (even things like giving up chocolate!).

This morning I awoke to a fresh caraffe of coffee and all the dishes we didn't manage to do before bed having been washed. It was perfect. Tonight we're going to see a friend's band play. Not the most romantic thing in the world, but I'm a lot more secure now than I have been in the past... which is why I don't want to make a big deal out of Valentine's Day anymore. I'm at a point where I appreciate the small tokens most.

Sophie's Daughter said...

That is the sweetest Valentine I've encountered in a long time. It is amazing how our expectations color our experiences.

I always enjoy your blog! Happy St. Valentine's Day!

HeyJules said...

Ha! I always expected nothing and GOT nothing! I think I would rather have done it your way and humiliated a few suitors in the process.

Love your artwork today. That is one of yours, right???

Anonymous said...

My past motto:

Valentine's Day. Yes, it is a test. And you will be graded severely.

My new motto:

The only good thing about Valentine's Day is the chocolate.

I love you, Sistah CJ, and we are looking forward to your visit in May.