So little understanding

My email isn't working. At least not on my computer. It was doing fine when I got here and then it just quit. No error messages, no indication at all that anything was out of whack... just no email. For days.

I've read all the help files and looked at all the settings and fiddled with all the preferences and it still doesn't work. I seem to be able to send, but that may be a fallacy. My best friend in Florida didn't get my email that announced I was coming for my grandson's baptism. She just happened to write me and I realized she still didn't know.

How do I know all this? I can go online to webmail and see my messages, but I can't retrieve them. I can even reply to those messages, but then they go into cybervoid, and I don't have a record of them on my own mail system. The server works, obviously, but it just won't shake hands with my computer. Hey you guys... Make up, already!

The truth is, I have a nagging feeling I'm the one who broke it. I'd been getting a lot of bogus spam with vjagra in the title line, trying to sell me drugs I don't need to enhance plumbing I don't have. I went somewhere in my preferences to add that word to the blocking software, but I may have done it wrong and now everything is blocked. I don't know that... I just worry that it's true. And I can't find where I did it to undo it. Frustrating.

It is always frustrating to have so little understanding... to have a suspician of what might have gone wrong, but no proof. It happens in relationships too. Someone becomes distant and I get that same nagging feeling that I may have caused the problem. I just don't know for sure. When I can, I muster my courage and ask outright. "Hey! Did I say or do something to offend you?" It doesn't work that way with my computer. It sits there... mutely, smugly, waiting for me to press the magic button to figure it all out.

I will keep at it. Email is important in this technological age. People who never once wrote me a letter, will email me a few paragraphs that connect us over time and space. I miss that connection.