Thursday, August 17, 2006

No answer required

I have a detractor... which shouldn't surprise me. There have always been people who disliked me for the same reasons others thought I hung the moon. You can't please everyone, and making that goal a priority in my twenties taught me the lesson, but it never removed my wistful desire to have it otherwise.

The embarrassing truth is I cannot understand why some people love me and some don't. It makes no sense, everyone should love me. But as ludicrous as that sounds, my inner child believes it. I can spend time imagining why, but the possible answers: misunderstanding, jealousy, disapproval... only lead to justification for myself. My bruised ego may feel soothed, but the process sows seeds of alienation that crop up as unexpected volunteers later.

My detractor is anonymous which makes him/her slippery. I have very few anonymous commenters to my posts. One is my older son, and I can generally recognize him by his wry humor. But another asks questions which imply I should be ashamed of myself. What's that about? And why do I feel responsible for answering them? Some internal trigger pings loudly, and I ride an emotional roller coaster until I have sorted it out.

So... after sorting I've come to the following conclusion: cryptic questions that allow for several interpretations as to their intent are meant to goad, not elicit information. No answer required.


Anonymous said...

Resting in your justification rather than examining your motives and the repercussions of things you write is much easier but less useful.

kpjara said...

I just continue to wonder why the examiner comes without a face?

In any event, this is a good reminder as my dissenters DO have names I'm still amazed that they would come if they don't like what I have to say...and it still hurts when I read the remark.

Words: containers of life AND death!

becky said...

As for Anonymous' view: it's always easier to criticize and be suspicious of others and their "motives". That way, one need not "examine" one's own self and wonder from where all of the negativity springs that results in a need to belittle another's experiences of life. Claire Joy is right - no answer required. Becky

Lorraine said...

I have been reading your blog for some time now. I love it, and love you too LOL ! Pay no heed to Anon - detractors come and go (same as dictators). You owe them nothing.

Lisa said...

Don't let detractors interfere with your good energy. Spending too much time on the detractions takes away from the rest of what you do.

Generally speaking, detractors of this kind fail to recognize that any valid points they may at times make are lost in the way they deliver them. It's one thing for a person to raise a challenging question, it's quite another for them to try tearing a person down.

Have a good family visit!

ACey said...

I think Lorraine and Lisa have made some excellent points. A 'detractor' who actually wants to initiate dialogue and more open minds/hearts all around would do so in a way that didn't leave them hidden in the shadows taking potshots.

For that reason I can't help thinking that the detracting itself is continuing to display itself primarily because your kind of honesty and warts-and-all self-exposition strikes some very potent nerves for whatever kind of person is lurking behind the unreadable mask of implied sanctimony and moral/behavioral superiority.

That's another way of saying I believe they're doing quite a[n un]healthy lion's share worth of projecting. Quite clearly, you've gotten under their skin. My own personal versions of arrogance and self-justification? Wouldn't allow them to, likewise, get under mine. Their style of delivery is, indeed, voiding-out anything constructive or legitimate they might wish to express.

I'm honestly not feeling like Anon is doing anything remotely constructive or useful with the "power" they've assigned themselves where you're concerned. Therefore, responding to them isn't likely to make a dent beyond the skewed pleasure that comes from attention for it's own sake; negative attention, to boot. The scales have to *want* to fall, after all, before clarity of vision and large cognition can be achieved.