Saturday, August 26, 2006

Anger Management

I don't do anger well.

If I'm really, really angry, I fold up inside myself and externally I cry. That's the worst, because I'm out of control, not only with the situation, but with my own emotional response. Luckily I don't get that angry very often.

If I'm only a little ticked off, I say sarcastic things, stoop to petty retaliations... stupid things that only make me look (and feel) small. I cannot get neutral until I'm over it. (But over it only if the same person doesn't trigger another episode.) Then I start into paranoia. That person doesn't like me and they are doing things to persecute me. It's a waste of my time and energy, and nobody wins. I'm working on it, but the work is definitely in progress.

I'm better than I used to be only in that many things that used to trigger anger, no longer do. (It's an aging thing.) Not much in life is worth ruining with a bad attitude. And as I age, life looks too good to keep ruining it.

The God of Abraham was angry a lot. The Old Testament is full of stories about the wrath of God. It may very well be that we attributed that anger to God in our own misunderstanding, but we certainly chronicled a lot of events where people died and suffered because God was angry. Jesus was angry only once in a while. There's only one instance (the fig tree) where anything died because of it. Most of the time His anger gave way to compassion and forgiveness, which is one reason why I prefer Him to His Dad. Except He is His Dad. So there you go. Maybe God gets less angry as He ages too.


kpjara said...

Okay, so while I reluctantly admit I could totally relate to this also made me think: "Duh! We learned anger from the Father! We just haven't mastered His incredible fruit of self-control." And THAT explains better (to me) Jesus cursing that fig was his human side?! and makes John 15 much more real to me.

Addie said...

ha - I love the comparisons and the conclusion you came to