Friday, August 24, 2007

A dream is a wish your heart makes...

Jesus formed radically open circles of friends. We erect intricate and inflexible institutional barriers that admit only those whom we deem worthy. Jesus stood up to the religious establishment. We are the religious establishment. — Tom Ehrich

Ouch! And yet... right on!

I've been having what my deacon friend calls "cold feet" dreams. Why I didn't expect to get cold feet (at least a few times before my life profession) is beyond me. I guess I expected to sail straight into the sunset with Jesus... once I had said yes.

Isn't that a laugh? Jesus never sailed into the sunset with anybody, whether he got married during his lifetime or not. If he did, that wife was left at the foot of the cross or the door of the tomb, just like everyone else.

Anyway, in my dream I was being cross-examined by my sisters about my cartoons. Some sisters think they are hilarious, some think they are cute, but at least one thinks they are blasphemous and heretical. In my dream she had rallied several sisters (who had never even seen them) to her point of view, and I was being asked to cease and desist if I wanted a "yes" vote from the community. Uh oh. Deja vu time. Didn't we already go round the bush about this with the blogging theme?

Yet in my dream I spoke up quite forcefully this time. "I'm sorry sisters, but I believe I'm called by God to draw these cartoons and I have no intention of stopping. For you or anyone."

Excuse me? So, as the dream progressed to its logical conclusion, I was not voted in and was given the option of hanging around for another year to try it again. I said "Nope, I'm outta here."

Just like that. All that work, all that prayer, all that discernment. "I'm outta here." When I awoke I was flummoxed. Is that how I really feel subconsciously? What about all that talk of accepting the vow of obedience? Ahhh... will have to look at all this a little more carefully... again.

My friend talked about various interpretations, (skirting the obviously silly one that God might be calling me to draw these somewhat subversive cartoons.) Cold feet. You are both individuals... the one for and the one against, the party line and the troublemaker. But one key component was how quickly I jumped at the chance to be kicked out. Aha! Of course that rings true. That way I don't have to decide. It's not my fault. Whatever happens next... I hate dreams that reveal all my inner flaws, don't you?

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Judging by the last three titles of your Post, you are possibly suffering from cold feet. But what warms your heart and soul?

cajunvegan said...

This entry (your whole discernment) reminds me of The Clash's hit song "Should I Stay or Should I Go." It was playing in my head as I read your words.

Darling you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go
If you say that you are mine
I'll be here 'til the end of time
So you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go

It's always tease, tease, tease
You're happy when I'm on my knees
One day is fine, the next is black
So if you want me off your back
Well come on and let me know
Should I Stay or should I go

Should I stay or should I go now
Should I stay or should I go now
If I go there will be trouble
An' if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know

This indecision's bugging me
(Esta undecision me molesta)
If you don't want me, set me free
(Si no me quieres, librame)
Exactly whom I'm supposed to be
(Diga me que tengo ser)
Don't you know which clothes even fit me
(¿Saves que robas me queurda)
Come on and let me know
(Me tienes que desir)
Should I cool it or should I blow
(¿Me debo ir o quedarme)

Split

(¿Yo me frio o lo sophlo)

Should I stay or should I go now
(¿Yo me frio o lo sophlo?)
Should I stay or should I go now
(¿Yo me frio o lo sophlo?)
If I go there will be trouble
(Si me voi va ver peligro)
And if I stay it will be double
(Si me quedo es doble)
So you gotta let me know
(Me tienes que decir)
Should I commit or should I blow
(¿Yo me frio o lo sophlo)
Should I stay or should I go now
(¿Yo me frio o lo sophlo?)
If I go there will be trouble
(Si me voi va ver peligro)
And if I stay it will be double
(Si me quedo es doble)
So you gotta let me know
(Me tienes que decir)
Should I stay or should I go

Silly or prophetic? I think dreams are the windows to our soul.

Claire Joy said...

Service, beauty, creativity, a good laugh.
Talking to God (especially at the beach) choral music (sung well), hugs (Especially from my grandchildren), hugs from my friends, too many things to list that warm my heart and soul...

Claire Joy said...

"If I go there will be trouble
An' if I stay it will be double"

Reminds me of a verse from one of my favorite hymns: "The peace of God it is no peace at all"

Just one more piece of the mysterious puzzle. You just gotta love a good mystery.

eleanorburnejones said...

You got me worried, all I dreamed about last night was pickled herrings. Maybe there is a hidden message in this. After some thought it came to me that in church health/conflict mediation and transformation, my future is in pickles?

I think I've been at the computer too long. :0) Praying for you in this time of cartooning and stuff.