Thursday, August 09, 2007

Harder than I thought...

My Dear Sisters Nope, sounds too much like My fellow Americans As if I'm some president giving some bogus state of my soul address. But they are my sisters, and they are dear.

Dear Sisters, I'm writing this letter as my formal request to be admitted as a life professed member of the Community of the Holy Spirit.

That's it. That's as far as I've gotten in a week. At this rate I'll be on Medicare before I finish the letter. My mentor said the letter should be "several pages." It should explain my discernment process, how I came to this decision, why I think I'm called to go forward with life profession...

I have writer's block. Or a mental block. Or a stumbling block. Anyway you cut it I'm a blockhead at the moment... can't think, can't write, can't sleep at night. All the correct words are swirling around in my brain, but they are in some kind of weird orbiting pattern and won't land. Is this what cold feet is all about? Am I afraid I'll burn up in the atmosphere if I try to come down to earth?

The truth is I won't know what this funk is about until it's over. I never get what I'm going through while I'm going through it. Only afterwards. Then I can dissect the emotional roller coaster and say
"Well, that was the final stage of denial before final acceptance."

It doesn't feel like denial. (Duh... that's what denial is, dum dum.) Oh. Okay.

4 comments:

HeyJules said...

Hey, try this:

Take out "Dear Sisters" and put in "Dear God" and see what happens...

Claire Joy said...

That won't work. It has to be three pages. I have to describe/explain my process.

If I wrote Dear God, it would just say: Okay, I give. You win.

Besides, my friend the deacon has set me down here at the shelter to work on it. I've got two and a half pages already.

Leanne Shawler said...

Maybe use notcards and jot down thoughts separately and put them together by laying them out in various orders until either, it gels, or you figure out what's giving you fits?

Merryn said...

You could fill several pages from gleanings of your past blogging...