Friday, September 07, 2007

Reason #1

Open our eyes to see your hand at work in the world about us.
—from the mass, Rite II C, Book of Common Prayer

You know the saying: Be careful what you ask for... This sentence from the concluding prayer before communion struck me this morning. In so many ways the request has been granted, time and time again, but the knowledge, the eyes-wide-openness of my understanding has felt very uncomfortable. I've kept it under wraps much of the time.

People look at you funny if you talk about seeing angels in the subway... real angels, not just the metaphorical nice people doing nice deeds. Yet I have seen them. Some roll their eyes if you comment that there are no accidents, or look back on a string of unconnected, supposedly random events and see a divine pattern.

This is one of several reasons I stumbled onto (and into) the convent. I can make outlandish statements about God's will or universal truths and some will actually nod in agreement. Sisters who see it differently do not argue, because one thing we agree upon is that each sister's path to God is her own. Nobody else can decide (or judge) if it's naive, immature, deep or shallow. I do not have to justify to anyone here that I believe in God, that I believe in divine intervention, or that I believe my purpose has been destined from before birth.

I have friends who think my wanting to be a nun is madness, or a lark, or an easy way to get out of the worry of retirement income. Some have witnessed the succession of career shifts, geographical relocations, or my constant search for the perfect life partner. That I can see a holy pattern in all of that is beside the point to them.

No... it is the point.


HeyJules said...

It's so odd that you said that - that some people think you are running FROM something instead of TO something because I wondered that at the very beginning of getting to know you but then almost immediately had an overwhelming urge that no, she's going where she's supposed to be going. And you are.

Merryn said...

Maybe wanting to be a nun IS a form of madness - holy madness, a Rumi sort of madness. But, I'm absolutely positive that it wouldn't be a lark or be easy.

My friends, family, and acquaintences all pretty much think that no one could seriously entertain the idea of becoming a nun. But, if you're led there it'd be a loss (to everyone) to resist...