Tuesday, April 10, 2007

It escapes me now

There's a lot to be said for knowing you're going to live awhile longer. (There's a lot to be said about the reverse, I suppose, but I've only ever been in the limbo place between not knowing and what if.) I don't think it's the same. However, I'm out of there as of today. I don't have cancer.

Huh? Okay, so I've kept the situation pretty much under wraps, because it's what I do. Other people's concern, as well-meaning as it may be, affects me adversely. It adds exponentially to my own combination of dread/denial and in a crisis, (real or imaginary), I can't cope with anyone's hysteria but my own.

So... now that this particular crisis is over, although I admit it's a bit anticlimactic, this is the deal: The March mammogram I spoke of here showed a "suspicious density" which required a trip to a different refrigerator door, which required a sonogram, which required today a core biopsy. Finally, some good drugs before an invasive procedure. (It's a mystery to me why the medics think smashing your flesh does not require anesthetic but puncturing does.) After the biopsy I still had to have six more films taken before they let me out, and I didn't feel a thing. I suggested to the technician that maybe lydocaine (or zylocaine) should be standard before every mammogram. She thought I was kidding.

Of course the anesthetic has worn off now, and I am left with an ow-eee that I'm tending with sleep, xtra-strength tylenol, and a chocolate bunny. (I think they call it self-medicating.) I'm very much like a cat in my need to sleep when I'm bruised, so I took the afternoon off and did exactly that.

I was going to post something profoundly spiritual about this experience, but whatever I was thinking escapes me now. Another time perhaps...


Merryn said...

Congratulations on not having cancer! And yeah, isn't lydocaine wonderful?! I'd say you should forget being profoundly spiritual until after you've recovered - I'm sure the chocolate bunny will help.

Zanne said...

So glad to hear you are cancer free! Listen to Merryn, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate! Hugs to you dear sister!

Judith said...

Thanks be to God for your good news (this is something I have been through myself)!

In addition to chocolate, don't forget a glass of wine!


by the bay said...

Glad you will be hanging around with us a while longer! :0) May the new lease of life be a very blessed time. Hugs.