Thursday, May 17, 2007

Feast of the Ascension

I'm not sure I'm all that happy about the feast of the Ascension.

I know I'm supposed to be ecstatic, because Jesus has gone back to God, where he came from in the first place, and the Holy Spirit will come around at some point to offer whatever it was that Jesus had (although the disciples weren't that clear about when that was going to happen.) Maybe just the spectacular way that Jesus left was enough for them. They witnessed it. I didn't.

So I sit here and keep thinking... you're leaving again!?! Damn.

Maybe it's because the few brushes I've had with the Holy Spirit have not been all that pleasant. I spoke in tongues a couple of times and that was embarrassing and out of control. I spent several months compelled to write Christian folk songs every night... verse after verse after verse... so many verses nobody in their right mind would want to hear the whole song. Do you know how many words rhyme with tree? Too many.

And whenever I sense the Spirit moving through a place, I tear up. My nose turns red, I can't speak without coughing. Of course it's usually when I'm in a group of people and someone always wants to know what's wrong? I was at an ordination a couple of weeks ago and one of the ordinands was so moved she sobbed through the whole ceremony. Uh oh. I can see it coming now... and the thought terrifies me.


Merryn said...

I can completely relate to your experience of tearing up when you sense the Spirit. I only just recently realized that is what I do. I had previously just thought I was overly emotional and not in proper control of myself...

HeyJules said...

But what better reason to be a sobbing, crying blithering idiot???

I've cried in church so many times I can't even count 'em anymore. I used to feel embarrassed about it - now I just accept it and wipe the tears and thank the good Lord I can feel the Holy Spirit so clearly when others cannot.

I think it is a priveledge to be His witness and if that means looking out of control, so be it. Embrace it, CJ, and be glad your heart is so full it overflows for Him.

Luke said...

When the Spirit really touches me, i cannot stop dancing. Like a complete fool i might add!!!!

Claire Joy said...

David did that (danced like a fool). He embarrassed his wife to no end too.

Luke said...

I'm in good company then!!!!