Moving on

It's just been decided... I move back to the city the first of August. There are mixed emotions all around. I know some sisters will be glad, others will be disappointed. I'm a mixed bag over the whole thing, even though it was my choice.

"There are no preferences in the religious life." I was told my first year of postulancy. But the truth is more like "We'll be glad to consider your preferences, but the needs of the community take precedence." That's as it should be, but in this case the needs of the community weren't affected. It was a one-for-one personnel swap. The other sister couldn't decide, so my vote won the toss. (I just hate when that happens.)

Riding into the city this morning was strange. I looked out the window of the train and thought... "Only a few more opportunities to watch the seasons change from here." As the knowledge sinks in, I realize I am already in move mode, with still a month and a half to go. I looked at my to-do list this morning and mentally changed priorities. Certain projects moved up in urgency, others plummeted to the bottom of the list.

I don't feel excited yet, but that will come. I'll begin by taking inventory, and then start packing, a box at a time. Right now I'm just a little sad. Both convents are home to me... choosing one over the other was tough, and my choice was based on a desire to live with elderly sisters who have unpredictable life expectancies. Time is running out to be with them. I don't want to miss it. But every choice has sacrifices. I'm already being confronted with them.

The city convent is a bastion for conservatism. There, God is always a boy's name. I'm so spoiled by the creative liturgies we've been developing here. Last night was our monthly full moon fireside... we celebrated the summer solstice this month instead of the full moon. It was the first one of these events I've totally enjoyed, and now I'm leaving. It takes me a while to adapt to new ways. I feel like I'm just getting there and everything will change.

My mentor says she understands my choice. Why can't I believe that? Maybe because I'm not sure I understand it.