Monday, May 22, 2006

Cocoon to Free Radicals

Am just emerging from a mini (two day) silent retreat... spent in our little "hermitage", which, in a past life, was a storage shed. The building sits just at the edge of our woods. Inside there's a bed, rocking chair, a little table, even electricity—although I didn't use it much. No facilities. The best part is a giant picture window that looks out on the forest. I watched a bee collecting pollen for the better part of an hour, I think. I didn't have a clock, so time was relative.

Being silent and alone (on purpose) is like entering an altered state, like being in a cocoon. Perspective shifts... I wasn't very hungry, but loved eating the things I never eat: a pear, banana, apple, orange... that's more fresh fruit than I've consumed in the past six months! I slept, read, knit, journaled, slept some more... watched out the window, prayed, slept some more... tried to figure out how to use an ancient wood burning tool. I'm trying to make a sign for our pea field, using a medium I'm not very good at. That was part of the plan too, I think.

There wasn't a plan, really. The plan was to let it all just flow, one activity into the next, however it happened.

This is part of what I came up with: Cosmic Fairness... an option larger than my puny little brain can totally grasp, Dip in. It's there to be enjoyed, used, given away. There is enough for all. There is especially enough for you. Get it, little girl? You can drink all you like. No rationing. None. Nada. There is enough. You are enough (next big concept). It flows in you as well as around you. The cosmic river of abundance flows through your veins. You know that on a chemical level. It's the less sophisticated parts of you that shut that knowledge down. Too free radical. That's what you need: free radical thinking. And breathing. Breathe in those free radicals. They'll help you unstick. Life is a river, and it flows through you, in you, around you. You are within it as it is within you. That is the secret. That is the lesson. Listen to the lesson.

I am addicted to the unnerving, unswerving love of God.


kpjara said...

God is still trying to teach me: Sit, UBU sit!

I'm amazed and wordless...OK enough wordlessness...and sitting here trying to recall "free radicals" from chemistry and it seems they are free energy - afloat in our atmosphere...that are searching for the ideal ionic place, to attach themselves and BECOME something...but I could be off on a tangest!

Claire Joy said...

Actually, free radicals usually have a very negative connotation... linked to ozone depletion, cancer, Alzheimer's disease, aging... but if you think about it from a cosmic spin... everything must age and die for new life to come forth. It's all one sacrificial cycle of birth, death and transformation. Hoarding won't change a thing.

kpjara said...

Ohhhhh, okay!

Sacrificial cycles! I guess I realize that all transformation comes at a cost, and some transformation is going to come whether I want it or not, so it makes sense that hoarding wouldn't impact that. WOw, alot to think about~and at this exact moment the death of some of my crucial brain cells is taking place...nothing like being shoved outside my box and the lid being burned in the process, thank you Sister!