Sunday, June 22, 2008

Here's the deal...

This post is prompted by the sweet anonymous comment of a day or two ago, but even my daughter-in-law sent an email checking on me. Thank you both. I'm here. I'm okay. (Relatively.) I've not posted for several reasons... nothing to say, or... too tired to say it... or too tired to say it without hurting somebody's feelings. I've been told a war with too many fronts is destined for failure. Well, I'd say any war is destined for failure, but I understand the point because that's what's going on in my life at the moment.

First, (and these are in no special order) there's the monotony of same-old, same-old... which plagues everyone from time to time, but especially religious. They even have a name for it: acedia, from the Greek akēdeia meaning indifference. Another way to put it: Spiritual torpor and apathy; ennui.. or to be even more judgmental: sloth, one of the seven deadly sins.

Second, there's the non-stop geriatric-zoo-syndrome which is getting to the few of us who still have functioning brains. There are the "walker wars" (yet another example of a war nobody can win) and the elevator was put out of commission last week when the door was derailed by two walkers trying to cram themselves into the space available for one. Of course that was right after mass and before breakfast, so the two of us who can climb stairs (holding a tray full of food) had to bring them their breakfasts in the library, while we waited for the repairman to arrive. Of course that's not nearly as bad as when the one sister "forgets" her walker altogether and hobbles down the hall on her own, careening off the walls. Please take your pills, sister. Where is your cane? No, today is not Wednesday. To make matters even more hilarious, our four older sisters just started their annual week-long silent retreat. Can they remember they are in silence? Do they care? What day is it?

Third is my new job. New jobs are, by their nature, stressful and tiring. Learning the ropes takes time and effort. To my chagrin and irritation, my typically fast learning curve is no longer that fast. Must be old age. Damn. (No wonder employers don't want to hire people in their sixties.) I am getting it, slowly, but it's also taking its toll on my already flagging energy.

And then... there are family matters which weigh on my heart but I cannot confront because I have no energy left to even begin the conversation about "what's wrong?" That limbo state weighs heavy too. I'm too tired to blog. (Except of course this morning... when an especially good sermon sparked the teensy weensy ember left smouldering in my heart.)

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