In the old days...

I used to be creative for a living. I spent days thinking up new ways to spin a logo, experimenting with colored lights on a transparent glass surface. I worked in animation for several years for a TV post production company. There was an editor at my firm who was both talented and driven. He thought highly of himself and his particular skills, and would sometimes browbeat clients into seeing things his way. He wanted award winning products, and if the client benefitted, well that was gravy.

I admired him for his skill and disliked him for his motivation. I think intentions are as important as the results. Some would disagree. The road to hell is paved with good intentions I am told. Nobody ever says the road to heaven is paved that way too. I think all roads are paved with good intentions, and the road to hell is also paved with bad ones.

Intention is certainly important in self help workshops. I took a few of those too. I forget the exact words, but the gist is: if the intention is strong (and clear), then the action will inevitably follow. If my intention is to get revenge for some slight I may have suffered, then my actions steer me to where revenge is possible. The problem with our complex personalities and issues is the intention is often cloudy. That protects us from having to own up to shady behaviors. "I was just teasing," we say. Right. Clarity is like truth... it's a double edged sword.

It's been a year since I started this blog. My intentions for it have changed several times as it's developed and flowed out of me. I can see the intentions behind the words when I read old entries, but I'm not so sure I was always aware of them as I wrote. It's a little like journaling but more public, so it's directed journaling. I have an audience. (Another double edged sword) Sometimes my audience agrees with me... always a nice thing, And sometimes they hate my guts.

But I figured out early on that my intention was not to be liked or praised or admired for my writing ability... not that I don't just gloat over all those things. My intention is to tell it like it is (for me) and let the chips fall. Sometimes I eat crow for it. I try to eat it warm, though... it's revolting to eat it cold.